Are We Listening?
Table Talk
Setting the Table
You are welcome here. Come just as you are, bringing whatever is on your heart today. Take a few moments and allow yourself to be fully present.
When was the last time you were transformed by someone’s story? How might openness to the experiences of those around you better honor their stories and the ways those stories affect your own?
Don't just learn, experience.
Don't just criticize, encourage.
Don't just think, ponder.
Don't just see, feel.
Don't just hear, listen.
Don't just talk, act.
Don't just exist, live.
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch.
― E.E. Cummings
Acts 2:1-4
When the day of Pentecost had come, they were all together in one place. Suddenly from heaven there came a sound like the rush of a violent wind, and all of them were filled with the Holy Spirit. And they began to speak to one another and hear one another in new ways as the Spirit gave them the ability.
Food for Thought
I grew up in the small city of Lexington in the heart of North Carolina. At one time Lexington was best known for its large furniture plants, but today you would likely know it for its BBQ, the artist, Bob Timberlake, and NASCAR’s Richard Childress, who has established a vineyard there. These are all excellent reasons to visit, but these are not the reasons Lexington remains dear to my heart.
The city of Lexington is fairly small, consisting of only 3 elementary schools, one intermediate school, one middle school, and one high school. Lexington is also more economically, racially and culturally diverse than the surrounding county areas. Growing up in Lexington gave me a unique experience of living in community and going to school with people who didn’t look, worship, talk, or live like me.
This was not only in the case of casual friendships but was also true of my most intimate relationships. We shared meals, stayed at one another’s houses, visited each other’s places of worship, and vacationed together - which is why, when I left Lexington for college, I thought I understood some things about race and diversity.
It wasn’t until later - sitting in a conference of 300+ people, overhearing the conversation and presentation of two friends, that I realized how much I genuinely did not know.
The speakers of our event were two pastors who were long-time friends. They shared with us the arc of their friendship, how their families and congregations had grown together, and how their friendship had shaped their own understandings and work around race in their communities. The moderator then asked how each had been most changed by their friendship. One of the pastors confessed that he had never understood the everyday experience of being a person of color in their community until overhearing a conversation between the other pastor and his son. As his son was getting ready to leave the house, his dad repeated the list of reminders he gave daily: never run out of a store, always walk; keep your receipt for anything you purchase in your hand; don’t wear your hoodie up on your head, especially at night; you don’t walk through certain neighborhoods after dark; no jumping fences, even if your friends do it …
This, of course, was just a glimpse into his experience, but as the list continued, I couldn’t process it quickly enough.
I thought about all the friends I’d grown up with and about the lists they likely heard when leaving their houses. I wondered how the everyday experiences of those in my community are different from my own. And I realized, in this moment, that as I was hearing the experience of another, my understandings of the world were being expanded in new ways.
In this week of Pentecost, we remember the transformative power of God’s Spirit moving among us, prompting us to hear, see, and understand one another in new and expansive ways. And we are compelled by the spirit of our common humanity to truly understand how opening ourselves to the stories of another can fundamentally transform and change us.
I didn’t fully know or understand the experiences of my high school friends at the time, but I am trying to listen more carefully as they and others share their stories now.
This year a friend of mine posted this prayer, which he wrote to his son: I pray that someday you grow to understand that you and everything about you is a gift from God. Humans are finite and only see a portion of what God sees fully. And you are just that, my son - a gift. You Are Beautiful.
With remarkable courage people all around us are sharing their stories and giving voice to their longings and experiences. Are We Listening?
As the radical Spirit of love continues to move around and within us, may we learn to listen in ways that transform us, may we listen in ways that connect us to one another, may we listen in ways that move us to create change in our communities, and may we listen in ways that open us to see one another as these two pastors see each other - in the way that my friend sees his son - and in the same way God sees each one of us - as a beautiful gift.
The way we listen is often shaped heavily by what we are listening for or expecting to hear. But sometimes listening is about hearing what’s being offered apart from any expectation of ours, or about hearing what is left unsaid. Take a moment today to step outside and take in the sounds around you. What do you hear at first? Listen longer, what things do you hear that you weren’t expecting - what quieter noises do you hear with more time and attention?
The next time you sit down with someone, try listening with this kind of attention - as though you are receiving a gift. Challenge yourself to stay fully present with them, free of judgment, and allow their words to affect you, to challenge you, to teach you, to expand your understanding in new ways.
Blessing
Loving God - patient listener, full of grace -
help us to receive the gift of another’s story.
As we bear witness to myriad perspectives and languages of living, may our hearts and minds be transformed toward a more compassionate understanding of our world and one another.
A little Table Talk for your table...
Have a good laugh about those old familiar tunes to which no one really knows the lyrics (Benny and the Jets, anyone?). Maybe play one together and discuss how learning the words changes the way you listen to the song?
Think of a story, a book, a poem, a song, etc. that has helped shape the way you view the world. Share what made this particular story so significant.
Consider a friendship that is important to you - discuss together ways that friendships have the power to shift your views and perspectives of the world.
Try taking it to the Kids Table...
Try playing the game telephone and talk about the importance of listening to what the other person is saying.
Go for a walk today, and take a moment to listen to the sounds around you. What do you hear - the birds, a car, a dog barking? Are there any sounds that surprise you?
Read a story with a child in your life, perhaps a biography of someone you admire. Afterward, talk to them about what they learned from that individual’s story.