Radical Vulnerability
Table Talk
Setting the Table
You are welcome here! Come just as you are, bringing whatever is on your heart today. Take a few moments and allow yourself to just be. Take a couple of deep breaths, grab yourself a cup of coffee, light a candle, do something that brings you comfort. Allow yourself to be present in this moment.
When was the last time you walked out after a rain shower or thunderstorm to catch the arrival of a rainbow? Now, consider how that moment is only possible when there is both sunshine and rain.
“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness, and affection.”
- Brene Brown
Galatians 6:2-5
Bear each other’s burdens. Don’t take this opportunity to think you are better than those around you. Each person has his or her own load to carry and story to write.
Food for Thought
A few weeks ago, my friend and I were exchanging stories about unexpected friendships that had changed us and the way we view the world. With her permission, I am offering to you the story she shared with me:
Around noon, there was a series of super loud knocks at my front door. I opened the door to a masked man who I didn’t recognize immediately. I then saw his eyes and realized it was our friend, T. My girls and I hadn’t seen T for over a year and had been both missing him and worried about him.
T’s life hasn’t been easy — he has a record and had been without steady employment and housing for periods of time. Seven years ago, he knocked on our door to see if he could mow our lawn for some food or cash. If I’m honest, he did a truly lousy job. But he kept coming back and he kept getting better at it. The girls and I saw him weekly or monthly or every few months depending on the season and whether he was working other jobs.
Over time, we became friends and would swap stories and share a meal or lemonade. And we’d sit and talk about the joys and the challenges of life. When my marriage collapsed, T offered kindness and also challenged me to pull it together. And when his life would go off track, I did the same.
When he had a job, he would check in every once in a while to let me know he was doing ok. And then he disappeared.
Back to this morning… T was brimming with excitement as he handed me an envelope. His voice kinda quivered as he said “It’s an invitation to my wedding — I’m getting married, and I have a steady job, and my life is so GOOD!” His lovely fiance joined us on the porch, and the girls came out to see both of them and to celebrate.
Then I cried. T has come so far with so much stacked against him, and now he’s moving to a new, brighter chapter. He looked so alive, so happy, and so peaceful, unlike any other time I’ve seen him. And wrapped up in his joy was our joy, too!
Our friendship is one that has endured over seven years of ups and downs, death and resurrection. What started with a stranger knocking at the door evolved into trust and care and mutual respect.
The friendship of my friend and T is a relationship built on vulnerability.
Brene Brown is a sociologist who has invested the past twenty years of her research to work around shame and vulnerability. She says that, though vulnerability is often seen as weak, vulnerability is actually rooted deeply in courage.
As a society, we work hard to protect ourselves with perfectionism and judgment, proving our self-worth, and out-performing those around us all in an effort to keep everyone else from seeing our screw-ups, our imperfections, our fears. We do this because allowing oneself to be known so completely is absolutely terrifying! But allowing oneself to be seen and known - and allowing oneself to fully see and know another - is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experience.
Vulnerability is about the willingness to see our lives and truly be seen in our lives. It is the means by which we are able to receive and experience redemption.
This kind of vulnerability is what makes it possible for people with addiction to move into and through the steps of recovery.
This kind of vulnerability allows those who have lived through unspeakable trauma to move toward healing without carrying the burden of shame.
This kind of vulnerability creates space for repentance, forgiveness, and transformation.
This kind of vulnerability in our communities lays a foundation for the deep listening and accountability it is going to take for us to begin creating a world that sees and treats all people fairly.
My friend’s story is an invitation for us to consider the ways that opening ourselves in friendship and vulnerability creates the possibility to learn and grow with one another. It opens our souls to grace and renewal.
Vulnerability in meaningful relationships with one another changes us fundamentally – right down to the fabric of who we are. It changed “Mary” and “T” to “Friend,” “Brother,” “Sister,” “Family.”
Vulnerability transforms our front porches, our yards, our neighborhoods, our communities, our homes, and our tables, not simply into spaces of welcome, but into spaces of radical hospitality that break open our hearts in love, new possibility, and healing.
Take a moment to be vulnerable and honest with yourself. Consider how your own fears of being fully seen - of others knowing your imperfections, your shortcomings, of needing help - have kept you from experiencing the gift of connection with others at work, with your friends, with your kids, with your spouse.
If you’d like to hear more of what Brene Brown has learned in her research on vulnerability, give her 20 min TED Talk a listen.
Blessing
Loving God, you call us to bear one another’s burdens.
Help us to practice vulnerability in our lives in ways that
allow us to bear one another’s burdens in friendship,
in ways that fundamentally change our hearts and souls,
in ways that turn strangers into friends and family.
A little Table Talk for your table...
Write down or share with another person some of the ways you find practicing vulnerability to be difficult in your daily life.
Why can it be hard to be vulnerable with one another?
Do you remember a time when someone completely accepted you in a moment of vulnerability? What did that feel like? What did that do to your relationship?
Try taking it to the Kids Table...
Talk about how a rainbow comes to be. Discuss how it takes both rain and sunshine to make the beautiful colors of a rainbow.
Help your kids make their own rainbows.
Ask your kids about the things that scare them and share some of your own fears as well. Spend some time talking about what courage can look like related to some of those fears.