Who Am I... Really?
Table Talk
Setting the Table
Place a point of focus on your heart and a point of focus on your belly, and take a few slow, deep breaths. As you do, lift up a prayer of gratitude for the life and love inside of you.
Have you ever felt like you didn’t recognize yourself? What would it be like to accept yourself where you are so that you may do the transformative work required to become who God has made you to be?
Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.
- Maya Angelou
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
- Marianne Williamson
Isaiah 43:1
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are mine. I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire, and the flame will not burn you.
Food for Thought
A few years ago, a co-worker, who is older than I, was teasing me about the music I listened to, to which I responded, “Hey, I’m 27. I basically am who I am at this point.” Looking back now, I think “How hilariously naïve!” Thankfully, I did not stay who I was at 27. As I reflect back over the years, I see that “who I am” is constantly evolving. I am not who I was at sixteen, or twenty-seven, or even last week - and I am not now who I will be at thirty-five or seventy-two. This idea that we are always evolving, never fully finished, is beautiful and hopeful in many ways. And yet, in other ways, it can be hard, vulnerable, and sometimes quite frustrating. I have never felt that tension more than I have this past year.
On basically every level - globally, within community, within family, in personal relationships - I feel like we have endured a barrage of conflicts one right after the other, or sometimes all at once. We have been poured through a strainer with each issue - important, complicated, heavy, divisive - filtering out and exposing these discordant parts of who we are. And all of this tension has forced us to ask ourselves some pretty tough questions, “What do I believe? What are my values? Why do I say and do the things I do? Why don’t I say or do the things I don’t?
Who am I…really?”
The more I wrestle with these questions and work to sort through my own answers, the more honestly I must look at, and within, my own self. It is easy for me to get overwhelmed by the work I’m learning needs to happen within my own soul - tearing down years of walls, undoing and relearning my own coping mechanisms, discovering long-buried prejudices. It is hard - sometimes too hard! - to see myself so vulnerably. And if I’m being completely honest, there are moments when I am tempted to just dust my hands and instead be content with “not knowing any better." Because, as Maya Angelou says, once I know what I have to fix…I have to actually fix it.
And who am I … really?
Who am I to believe I can reshape the mess in my own soul, much less in the world? Who am I to imagine that our communities can be different - that we can live, see, and journey together differently? Who am I to be brave, to be vulnerable, to be hopeful, to believe in the possibility of something new?
But as Marianne Williamson says, “who am I not to?”
It is not us, but God who tells us who we are. We are a child of God, we are redeemed, we are loved. Not because we are perfect or unmessy - but simply because WE ARE. It’s ok to still be figuring it all out. It’s ok to feel broken and that there is growing yet to do because that is what leads us to become the people God has put us on this earth to be.
God is like a parent teaching a child to swim - ever-present, leading us further and further through the waters so that we may become stronger. It is that love - that reassuring love that encourages and surrounds us when we feel weak, exhausted, and scared - that allows us to extend grace to ourselves and to others who are being led through their own transformative work as well.
We are all a work in progress. So let us remember that who we are now is ever beloved - and who we will be is ever becoming.
Take a couple of minutes (or a lot of minutes) and draw yourself. What does that person believe and stand for? How does that person feel about themselves? I encourage you to keep your drawing and put it someplace where you will see it periodically.
Surprise yourself today! Sometimes we put ourselves in a box. Try something new – pick up a hobby you’ve always been interested in, volunteer for a cause that you’re passionate about, make a new friend. Check out a couple more ideas from our “Learning to Let Go” blog.
Blessing
Loving God,
Thank you for the grace you extend to us as we learn and grow.
Help us to recognize the parts of our hearts that need mending
and ways that we could better embody your love.
Thank you for accepting us right where we are
and for guiding us as we become who you have made us to be.
Amen
A little Table Talk for your table...
In what ways has this year created opportunities for growth in you?
Have you had moments when you feel like you “basically are who you are?” Do you still feel this way? If not, what has helped you to see the possibility for growth?
Have you ever surprised yourself either positively or negatively? What view of yourself did you have before that moment and how did it change afterward?
Try taking it to the Kids Table...
Show your kids pictures of themselves at different stages of life.
Let them ask questions and talk with you about the differences they notice or even the memories they have at each stage.
Spend some time helping them understand how we all grow through life - sometimes we see that change on the outside and sometimes that growth happens on the inside.