As Yourself
Table Talk
Setting the Table
Come to the table. Find your place—YOUR place, the place where you can settle, where you can set aside the distractions of the moments that have led to this one. Notice your breath, your lungs filling and emptying with the air around you. Notice what images and sounds immediately fill your thoughts, and gently dismiss them for these next few moments. These moments are for you — for your rest and for your renewal.
Consider the last time you found yourself lost in a moment that made you feel loved, safe, and secure. What did you learn about yourself in that moment?
Matthew 22:37-40
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
“Take care of yourself – you never know when the world will need you.”
— Hillel the Elder
"If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete."
— Jack Kornfield
Food for Thought
She looked at me from across her desk. Her eyes focused as if she was shooting lasers from them, straight into my own eyes, straight across the top of the energy drink she clutched with both hands directly in front of her. It was my final exam, a one-on-one, oral exam in my professor’s office. I had drawn a number from a brown paper bag, a number that corresponded with one of twenty questions I could possibly answer. I don’t remember what number I drew or the question it represented, but I remember rambling on for about fifteen minutes before she stopped me.
Dr. Ngan had a reputation for being the most difficult professor at the seminary, but I always enjoyed her classes. Still, for every lecture about the Hebrew Scriptures, for every quiz, paper, and exam, one of the most important lessons I learned from her came after she stopped my rambling during that oral final.
“You will get a B for the semester,” she said, “but it could have been an A.” She knew while I was taking a full semester of classes that I was also pastoring a small church, and she knew my wife and I were still newlyweds and hundreds of miles away from our families. I told her how important I thought my work as a pastor was, how important it was that I did well in my classes, and how I wanted to be a good husband. She leaned forward in her chair and said, “You will not be successful at anything if you try to do everything, especially if you do not take care of yourself.”
I don’t know why that’s such a hard lesson for us to learn.
Even in our faith traditions, when we cite whatever version of the “Golden Rule” we choose, there is still this hesitancy to observe the part of that universal command that is some portion of self-care.
When Jesus says that the two most important commandments are, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind,” and “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” it’s that last part we tend to gloss over: “as yourself.”
Even reading such a sentiment makes some of us uneasy. But the truth is we must find a way to love ourselves, to take care of ourselves if we are to truly love and care for others. It’s in taking care of ourselves, learning what makes us feel loved, safe and secure, that enables us to understand the kind of love, safety, and security others are seeking.
That piece of advice given by my professor was her way of caring for me, her student, using the wisdom I’m sure she had gained in learning to care for herself - and it has stayed with me all these years. So, in recent weeks, I have tried to be more intentional about taking that advice. I turned forty a few months ago, and it occurred to me that in all of my adult life I never truly had a hobby—an activity completely disconnected from my professional life that brought me joy without any sense of obligation. So, after being introduced to fly fishing last fall, I’ve taken up the sport.
Now, I keep my fly rod and gear in my truck at all times, and when I simply need a break, some time to be alone on the water to clear my head, I find whatever creek or pond is close by, and spend some time in the quiet, rhythmic, intentional motions of fly casting—usually landing a few sunfish in the process. It’s in those moments that life’s distractions are quieted, and I find myself a little closer to peace, a little closer to myself, a little closer to the Divine.
It seems small, but this act of self-care has helped to remind me that my own sense of peace and joy in this life is important. It has also helped me to understand that it doesn’t take all that much effort to make time and space for my own self-care. I wonder what small practice you might do to make time and space for yourself, too.
This week, take time for yourself. Maybe you can go to bed half an hour early. Maybe you get up a bit earlier to sit in the stillness of the morning. Maybe you go for a walk at lunch. Whatever you do, do something for yourself, something that reminds you that you are loved, safe, and seen. Remember that feeling so that you may help others experience it too.
If your Summer schedule is already in full swing and you are in need of a fun way to stay connected with friends and loved ones through meaningful conversation, check out The Traveling Table! This FREE downloadable eBook series, can go with you where ever you go this Summer, and there is something for everyone!
For a printable version of today's reflection Click Here!
Blessing
Eternal God, the One who was, is, and is to come,
Forgive us when we fail to take care of ourselves.
Help us to see the worth you see in us,
so that we may help others to see their worth.
O, God, help us to love others as we love even ourselves.
In the name of the ever-present and loving Christ we pray.
Amen.
A little Table Talk for your table...
Why do we seem to undervalue self-care in our wider culture? How does that perception affect your practice of self-care?
What makes you feel loved? What makes you feel safe? What makes you feel seen? Why?
Ultimately, self-care is not about selfish pursuits, but about making sure we are our best selves so that we may best show love to others. What does it look like when you are your best self?
Try taking it to the Kids Table...
Ask your kids what it feels like to be loved, to be shown care. How might they help their friends feel those things?
Ask them to share a time they were really tired. Would they have been able to do anything fun being that tired? Take the opportunity to talk about the importance of rest. Rest is a powerful form of self-care.
What is something your child(ren) would love to do for ten or fifteen minutes that would really energize them? Help them understand that it’s alright to do some things just for them if it gives them energy and helps them feel loved.
Meet our Welcoming Voice!
Chris Thomas serves as the Senior Pastor of the First Baptist Church in Wilson, North Carolina. He and his wife, Sallie, are the parents of two energetic boys. Chris holds degrees from Samford University, Baylor University, and Mercer University and loves to spend time reading, being outside (especially as a beginning fly fisherman), and working with his hands. He loves telling stories, listening to stories, and sharing in the creation of stories by walking alongside others in this journey called life.
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Here are Five Things to Remember When Setting Your Own Welcome Table!