Finding Your Table
Table Talk
Setting the Table
Go to a quiet and comfortable place with a cup of coffee, or glass of tea, or whatever brings you comfort, and think about the people who have loved you into being.
Consider for a moment a friendship that you hold dear to your heart. In what ways has that friend become like family?
“There are friends, there is family, and then there are friends that become family.”
- Anonymous
Psalm 133:1
How very good and pleasant it is when kindred live together in unity!
Food for Thought
There’s a beautiful scene in the movie It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, a biopic about the life and legacy of the legendary Mister Rogers. Tom Hanks, who plays Rogers, sits down at a restaurant with Lloyd, a skeptical reporter trying to make sense of his complicated and painful familial relationships. In the scene, Hanks takes a deep breath and invites Lloyd to “take a minute and think about all the people who have loved him into being”.
I come from a small Kentucky family, where basketball games are a sacred and heated event. Our holiday gatherings are often more intimate and probably a little quieter than the average Thanksgiving or Christmas, but we make it interesting, and we find lots of joy in just being together. I’ve come to enjoy this even more as an adult. I wake up and don’t have to travel any farther than from my bedroom to the kitchen, I get to wear sweatpants all day, and I enjoy listening to my parents as they reminisce about their childhoods and pass along sage advice.
One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned from the folks who have loved me best into being, is the power of friendship. My mom is an only child, and my dad has one brother who we love but don’t get to see often. They have also both lost their parents. It would have been easy for them to feel lonely and isolated by this lack of connection to family. But instead, my parents have continuously formed long-lasting, loyal, and loving friendships that add so much beauty to all of our lives.
It is these folks, as well as our small family, that have been present with us when we’ve most needed it. These folks have celebrated with us in the good times. It is also these folks who share the burden of our grief - they are the ones who make the sadness easier to carry. When we go on vacations together, it feels like family. And now, my brother and I have made long-lasting relationships with the children of our parents’ friends.
Many do not get to choose what kind of table they gather around or the people they call family. Some have been let down or hurt by their families. There are many people, maybe you are one of them, who have found their own family’s table is one that has been closed off to them or is no longer safe for them. And yet, while there is great sadness to be felt by this, I also know - and have witnessed - the divine and life-changing phenomenon that is chosen family.
Adulthood is scary and burdensome in its own way, but one of the most beautiful parts of it is the ability to create our own tables. We have the agency to decide what parts of our childhood table we’d like to keep and which parts are best kept in our past. We have the choice to fill that table with those people who have loved us into being so well, even if those people have no formal relation to us.
As we prepare for the upcoming holiday season, so many of us have nuanced and complicated relationships with those we are biologically and/or legally connected to. But regardless of our individual family origins, we have all been loved into being by a person or a community of people. May we all find gratitude for the humans who have loved us so well. May we find closure with those who did not, or could not, love us in the way we needed, and may we be the people who choose to love others into being in beautiful and life-giving ways.
Whether this holiday is one of grief or celebration, may you seek out your chosen family when you need it, may you be chosen family for others, and may God help to bring you the peace and comfort you need to live in unity with our kindred (whomever they may be).
This holiday season might be the first time you have been together with loved ones since the start of the pandemic. Finally! The start of something that feels normal...but so much has happened in the last 24 months. It might be hard to know how to navigate or approach all that might divide us if brought up in conversation.
To help our readers navigate this season, our team created a short resource to provide you with Five Things to Remember When Setting a Welcome Table for the Holidays! We hope it will help you set a welcoming space before your guests even arrive!
To download that free eBook Click Here!
Blessing
God of peace, comfort, and unity,
No matter what roads our lives travel or whom we might travel them with, we are forever thankful that you love us so completely and fully. May we be reminded that you have loved each one of us into being and continuously call us to your table.
Amen
A little Table Talk for your table...
Discuss what it means to be loved into being.
Have you ever had a friendship that felt like family? What made that relationship so special?
Talk about how you can be a welcome table for others. What ways can you love others into being?
Try taking it to the Kids Table...
Ask your kiddo to name the friends that are really special to them. Have them list why their friendship is so meaningful.
Talk with your kids about the differences in families. Emphasize how each is unique, and that is what makes them special.
Talk about what it means to love other people for their individuality. List ways that you can offer someone unconditional friendship.
Meet our Welcoming Voice!
Jana Dye is originally from Louisville, KY. Now residing in North Carolina, she feels that being in the land of Tar Heels and Blue Devils has taught her more about Christ-like patience and compassion than she ever knew possible. She earned her Masters of Divinity from Wake Forest University and completed her pastoral residency in Boston, MA. She currently serves at College Park Baptist Church in Greensboro, NC. When she’s not busy chasing youth around and giving her senior pastor a hard time, you can catch her doing some of the other things she loves most: running, hiking, eating good food in large quantities, and cheering on her beloved Kentucky Wildcats.
To hear more from Jana throughout the week, follow along on our Instagram!